Anyone There?

Well, it's been a minute since my last post or since I even checked my Blogger feed.

I'll give the good news first - I ran my second half marathon last week with a 20 MINUTE PR!!! It was super awesome. Minus stiff knees for 24 hours after that, I wasn't sore at all which is pretty crazy and weird.

More good news - I am running the NYC marathon in November!!! I got in through the lottery drawing along with 19,000 other people. I am scared shitless but I'm excited and determined.

The bad (but could be worse) news - I am still struggling with anxiety and "depression" although it's not NEARLY as bad as it was, probably because I am on medication. I use quotes because for the last 2 months I've been doing a ton of research on the brain/gut connection and the underlying cause for depression. The root in which it stems from. I am not a doctor (obviously) but if you're at all curious, I encourage you to research this connection.

I don't want to mask my feelings with medication for the rest of my life so, I'm desperate to find an answer as to why I woke up on 10/25/2015 (6 months ago today), not feeling quite right. I am still not the same as I was before this happened.

We all go through hard times, some worse than others, ups, downs, etc. and I just feel that doctors are so quick to prescribe medication.

Thankfully my friends, family, running and CrossFit have helped tremendously.

I'm hoping to become more active on my blog again soon!

Where To Start?

Wow, well 3 months have passed by since my last post. I am happy to report that I'm doing better than I was in October/November. My anxiety was and still is a bit of a daily struggle and I'm still not 100% where I need to be. Not one single day has gone by in the last 4 months that I haven't thought about it, and questioned "WHY ME?" I have a great life! How does someone wake up one day and simply not feel right? Had it been escalating for a while? There's no way to tell.

Then, I have to remind myself what my doctor has told me more than once - just like any other disease or illness, it does not discriminate. It can strike the happiest of people at any time which is absolutely terrifying. We all have daily stressors and perhaps it's caused by how each person reacts to, and handles it.

In my case, I think it's definitely more anxiety than depression (they most definitely go hand in hand). I am still sticking to my daily routine as much as I can - work, exercise, etc. In fact, I am in the midst of training for my second half marathon and I just signed up for my first CrossFit open which starts today! The energy exerted during a run or at CrossFit has been a lifesaver. I also decided to go to hot yoga once a week or every other. It feels really great!

There have definitely been a handful of days where I didn't feel like working out but I didn't beat myself up over it. I have to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can.

I don't believe I am an overly dramatic person but this has truly been the hardest thing I've had to face in my 32 years. 

I've noticed a few changes about myself since this tornado (as I like to call it) hit me. I don't like being alone much anymore. I have to keep extremely busy to tire myself out and to avoid sleep issues (knock on wood - haven't had a problem in that area). I'm having a hard time concentrating such as reading, studying, etc. I'm noticing some OCD tendencies. Example - Checking the door to make sure it's locked and full closed 3-4 times. I have this fear of Murphy getting out and running away *eye roll*

However, I know things will get better. I hope I can look back one day and be grateful for this very difficult life experience.

I hope you have a great weekend!

CrossFit WOD You Can Do At Home

I couldn't make it to CrossFit yesterday so I decided to do Tuesday's gym workout at home as well as add one I saw on Pinterest.

The first one was 21-18-15-12-9-6-3 Kettlebell (or dumbbell) swings, butterfly sit-ups and single under jump ropes (advanced version is double-unders - jumping high and getting the jump rope under your feet twice before landing. 

So the first round was 21 dumbbell swings (I used 15 lb), 21 sit ups and 63 jump ropes (21x3). Then 18, 15, and so on. It took me about 14 minutes.

Next, I did 4 rounds of:

8 Weighted Goblet Squats (with one 15 lb weight)

8 Bent Over Rows (30 lbs)

8 Squat/Deadlift (30 lbs)

8 Overhead Press (30 lbs)

Needless to say I am pretty sore today plus on Wednesday night, I did 75 burpees and fifty 85 lb. deadlifts at the box.

Have a good weekend!

It's Been A While

Hi everyone. It has been a while since my last post. The last 5 weeks have been pretty terrible. Not to exaggerate or worry anyone but probably the worst weeks of my life.

I woke up on 10/25 and I knew something wasn't right. We had spent the night at my cousin's (an hour away from home) and I woke up feeling weird. Anxious. Quieter than normal (which is almost mute because I'm pretty quiet to begin with). Driving home with Saro, I just knew something wasn't right. We went to Trader Joe's and did our Sunday thing anyway. I tried to ignore it.

The next day, I felt even worse. I barely made it through the work day. By the evening (after my annual gyno checkup, ugh), I had to take something to calm myself down. It was like an out of control/out of body experience and I felt petrified. I stayed home on Tuesday.

Since then, I've seen just about every type of doctor under the sun and it has pretty much been narrowed down to anxiety and depression.

I think today is probably the best I've felt in almost 40 days.

I've really had to PUSH myself every morning to get going and get to work. Literally force myself even if tears were streaming down my face on the way out the door.

Somehow I've continued to workout although I didn't go to CrossFit for 3 weeks. I started going again last week and was glad I did. I plan to go tomorrow and Thursday as well.

I do not know the reason for it, I can't pinpoint it. I'm working with a doctor to try to get to the bottom of it but nothing tragic happened or anything like that. 

I now truly understand the severity of mental health problems and I really feel for those who have to go through this and sometimes, even worse. It is absolutely horrible and I wouldn't with it upon anyone.

It's definitely not easy to talk about but that's just it, it NEEDS to be talked about so that people suffering from it can feel more comfortable talking about it and seeking help. 

In my case, I knew deep down what it was (even though I've never experienced it) and I got help right away. I've been doing anything to try to remain calm (the anxiety is bad enough but worsens the more I think about it) - exercise, acupuncture, massages, even a meditation app on my phone!

If you've experienced anything like this, please know there is help out there. Don't be afraid to talk about it!

Here's to hoping that each day gets a little bit easier/better.

CrossFit: The Chief

So, I've learned that a lot of CrossFit workouts have names. Today was "The Chief."

3 minute AMRAP (as many reps as possible)

3 power cleans (I did 55 lbs - recommended is 95 for women)

6 push-ups (I'm getting much better but I did mine on an 18" box today)

9 air squats

Repeat 4 more times.

I did between 2 and 3 rounds for each 3 minutes.

It was HARSH. My total score was 223.

I really like CrossFit a lot so far! I've been going at 6:00am before work. Next week, I may shoot for 5:30pm. I'm feeling a bit "off" this week and I'm not sure if I am just tired or what. I'm definitely looking forward to resting tomorrow.

Check out this video to see the workout.

Recent Workouts

One WOD from this week:

Strength warm up:

15 minutes to a heavy (not max) deadlift x 5 without dropping bar.

I'm still working on technique so I only did 35 lbs.

WOD:

5 rounds for time:

5 power snatches (supposed to be 95 lbs but I only used the bar, 15 lbs)

10 box jumps (I scaled with step ups @ 18 inches)

200 meter (1/8 mile) run

My time was 11:38.

My coordination with the bar is still terrible right now and I'm extremely sore! I'm still getting used to it, going in the morning before work, etc.

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I have a half day today so this afternoon is KAREN - 150 wall balls for time with a 14 lb. ball! Kill me now!

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Last night I ran 4 miles in 43:15. I was definitely hurting from this weeks CF workouts but it was a good run with perfect weather!

Have a great weekend!

CrossFit WOD

Last night's WOD:

Warm-Up:

200 meter run

7 push ups (I did modified)

10 kips.This was pretty much impossible for me. 

Repeat x2

10 double air squats

walking lunges across the room

WOD:

400 meter run (1/4 mile)

15 push jerks 

(I couldn't get this move down. I did a push press instead and only with 25 lbs.)

30 toes to bar or 45 knees to elbows (still extremely difficult)

800 meter run (1/2 mile)

30 TTB or 45 KTE

15 push jerks

400 meter run

My time (not including warm up) was 17:54.

My coordination is pretty terrible but I still got a great workout!