Friday, February 26, 2016

Where To Start?

Wow, well 3 months have passed by since my last post. I am happy to report that I'm doing better than I was in October/November. My anxiety was and still is a bit of a daily struggle and I'm still not 100% where I need to be. Not one single day has gone by in the last 4 months that I haven't thought about it, and questioned "WHY ME?" I have a great life! How does someone wake up one day and simply not feel right? Had it been escalating for a while? There's no way to tell.

Then, I have to remind myself what my doctor has told me more than once - just like any other disease or illness, it does not discriminate. It can strike the happiest of people at any time which is absolutely terrifying. We all have daily stressors and perhaps it's caused by how each person reacts to, and handles it.

In my case, I think it's definitely more anxiety than depression (they most definitely go hand in hand). I am still sticking to my daily routine as much as I can - work, exercise, etc. In fact, I am in the midst of training for my second half marathon and I just signed up for my first CrossFit open which starts today! The energy exerted during a run or at CrossFit has been a lifesaver. I also decided to go to hot yoga once a week or every other. It feels really great!

There have definitely been a handful of days where I didn't feel like working out but I didn't beat myself up over it. I have to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can.

I don't believe I am an overly dramatic person but this has truly been the hardest thing I've had to face in my 32 years. 

I've noticed a few changes about myself since this tornado (as I like to call it) hit me. I don't like being alone much anymore. I have to keep extremely busy to tire myself out and to avoid sleep issues (knock on wood - haven't had a problem in that area). I'm having a hard time concentrating such as reading, studying, etc. I'm noticing some OCD tendencies. Example - Checking the door to make sure it's locked and full closed 3-4 times. I have this fear of Murphy getting out and running away *eye roll*

However, I know things will get better. I hope I can look back one day and be grateful for this very difficult life experience.

I hope you have a great weekend!


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