It's Been A While

Hi everyone. It has been a while since my last post. The last 5 weeks have been pretty terrible. Not to exaggerate or worry anyone but probably the worst weeks of my life.

I woke up on 10/25 and I knew something wasn't right. We had spent the night at my cousin's (an hour away from home) and I woke up feeling weird. Anxious. Quieter than normal (which is almost mute because I'm pretty quiet to begin with). Driving home with Saro, I just knew something wasn't right. We went to Trader Joe's and did our Sunday thing anyway. I tried to ignore it.

The next day, I felt even worse. I barely made it through the work day. By the evening (after my annual gyno checkup, ugh), I had to take something to calm myself down. It was like an out of control/out of body experience and I felt petrified. I stayed home on Tuesday.

Since then, I've seen just about every type of doctor under the sun and it has pretty much been narrowed down to anxiety and depression.

I think today is probably the best I've felt in almost 40 days.

I've really had to PUSH myself every morning to get going and get to work. Literally force myself even if tears were streaming down my face on the way out the door.

Somehow I've continued to workout although I didn't go to CrossFit for 3 weeks. I started going again last week and was glad I did. I plan to go tomorrow and Thursday as well.

I do not know the reason for it, I can't pinpoint it. I'm working with a doctor to try to get to the bottom of it but nothing tragic happened or anything like that. 

I now truly understand the severity of mental health problems and I really feel for those who have to go through this and sometimes, even worse. It is absolutely horrible and I wouldn't with it upon anyone.

It's definitely not easy to talk about but that's just it, it NEEDS to be talked about so that people suffering from it can feel more comfortable talking about it and seeking help. 

In my case, I knew deep down what it was (even though I've never experienced it) and I got help right away. I've been doing anything to try to remain calm (the anxiety is bad enough but worsens the more I think about it) - exercise, acupuncture, massages, even a meditation app on my phone!

If you've experienced anything like this, please know there is help out there. Don't be afraid to talk about it!

Here's to hoping that each day gets a little bit easier/better.