Friday, August 29, 2014

The Loss Of An Assumed Future

Happy *almost* 3 day weekend!  I'm looking forward to sleeping in so long as Murphy allows it, BBQing and getting a few runs in.  I have a 5K next weekend and the following :)
I was browsing Pinterest last night and came across this quote:
"Infertility is a loss. 
It's the loss of a dream. 
It's the loss of an assumed future. 
And, like every loss, it will be grieved."
"It's the loss of an assumed future."  A light kind of went off in my head.  This perfectly describes how I feel about not having the chance to be a Mom.  I've known for so long that I can't, so it was never really a "lifelong dream" to be a Mom.  For some, it is but for me, not so much. 
I think I fear/dislike having to explain to people when they ask "So, when are you having kids?" or how to react to "Oh you'll understand when you have your own."  I'm shy as it is and I just don't feel like explaining the whole situation to everyone who asks.  Most of the people in my life know and I know the ones who don't know are just innocently asking.
I understand egg donation and adoption is a possibility but it's actually not when you don't have the finances for it.
On another note, since June, my husband's 18 year old daughter has been living with us, working and starting community college next week.  While this wasn't easy for me at first and I'm still adjusting (she moved in 1 month after we returned from our honeymoon), in a way, I definitely feel that everything happens for a reason.  I married Saro obviously knowing he is a Dad and the girls living with us was open for them to decide.
Maybe this is part of my "calling."  Maybe it is not to birth a child and be a Mom to a baby, toddler, adolescent.  Maybe it is to be a positive role model to a teenager/soon to be adult and be someone she can look up to and feel comfortable asking questions.
If anyone reading is a step parent, what have your experiences been like?
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