Five Months Of Marriage

Wow!  Well the last 5 months have certainly flown right by.

Since Saro and I have lived together for nearly 4 years, not much has changed with our living situation, finances, etc.

I think I mentioned that my step daughter is currently living with us, working and going to community college.  She moved in a month after we got home from our honeymoon, on the night of her high school graduation.  She lived in PA for the last 5 years with her Mom.

Overall, it's going well.  She works 20-25 hours a week and attends school part time this semester.  She is taking the bus until she gets her drivers license.  She can walk to work and we are usually able to pick her up.

It has definitely been an adjustment for me mainly because I've only lived with one person at all times in my 30 year existence - hello only child syndrome.  Now, for the last few years I've obviously known this day could come, and fortunately, I get along well with the girls.  The girls have been coming to our house every other weekend for nearly 4 years so that routine I was fully used to.  

I don't act as a disciplinarian as there is really no need for me to.  

She's doing very well for herself and has come pretty far in 4 months.  I'd like to think we are positive role models for her.  She sees that we both work full time and lead healthy, busy & active lifestyles.  She seems comfortable talking to me about school, work, boys, etc. which I am glad about.

Still, it's an adjustment.  I'm 30 and she's 18 and I will be totally honest and admit that I do not think I was quite ready for this.  However, it just so happened that we got married the same year she graduated high school.  There was talk of her coming to live with us after high school but with the wedding planning for the last year, it was in the back of mind during that time period.

Saro and I still have weekly date nights - out or at home; and we are planning a big trip for next year.  My other step daughter is a senior in high school and she could very well be joining us next year as well.  

I also feel anxious in general when I don't have anyone to talk to who can relate to something I'm going through.  I'm thinking about attending a step mom group.  I know someone else who goes and I am thinking it can't hurt.  I'd like to hear other people's experiences and stories.

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Another thought in the back of my mind is that my reproductive endocrinologist wants me to see an infertility specialist to confirm 100% that I do not have any eggs.  I told him I am 99% sure I don't.  He called me a pessimist which I didn't really appreciate.  I told him I am not negative, I just think everything happens for a reason and I'm not sure I'm all for egg donation or adoption.  We would also have to do a lot of research on both before deciding.

So I'm always saying WHAT IF to myself - what if I DO have eggs?  We would have a baby and then WHAT IF we have to sell our house and move to a bigger one?

But I don't want to move.  We've put sweat, blood and tears into our house.

  I start to drive myself crazy and get really worked up over it.  

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I hope you all have a good weekend and thanks for reading this longer than anticipated post!

I'm looking forward to my 4 mile race with my cousin tomorrow and then going to Applefest with Saro on Sunday.